Dealing with crumungins angers me. When I'm angry, I cry. Is there a woman who doesn't? Women cry. I am a woman. Frustrated by not being able to honestly express myself, I came home, took a couple of Xanex to relieve the anxiety, laid down, fielded a couple of messages (in my sleep) and woke up at 11 pm. This is what I mean by a debilitating condition. I was overcome by sheer exhaustion by the stressful encounter.
I woke up this morning fully refreshed and ready for another day. Everyone is stressed-out about money these days. I'm no different just on a more marginal scale. I've reached the tipping points within the System. This is the point where there is no return on working because there is a loss of health-care benefits. Last semester I earned $46 a month too much. Can you imagine? Making the calculations in my head and seeing it on paper is confronting. I turn it over to the Divine One. I'm not crafty or sophisticated enough to try to "beat" the System. Those individuals I deal with treat me with dignity and respect because I of who I am. A white woman with a college education who is dependent on the System for subsistence survival. There is no boo-hoo-ing here. Just facts. "You can't judge a book by its cover."
I am not normally the face one associates with poverty. It has afforded me a different perspective on life and people. I wouldn't give up what I do to earn this extra pocket money because I love what I do. For the past year things have become doable with what once prevented me from being socially engaged or having a savings account.
Now I fear a return to the food stamps and financially-imposed isolation just for the privilege of driving to one of the most fear-inducing cities in the Commonwealth to teach immigrants English? Am I just getting the ridiculousness of all this? Welcome to my life. What's next?
-D
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