Detoxing

I'm riding the waves of nausea as I watch the toddlers bouncing with their inflatables in the shallow end of the pool. The nausea is as much about detoxing from a med gone wrong as about the situations I find myself embroiled in. There are other uncomfortable side effects from coming off a med. This one, I gave not one, but two chances to work. The most debilitating is the inertia that stretches my nervous system to extremes. Just the thought of motion feels tense and restrictive. This may be the equivalent of sea sickness without the vomit. I've never been seasick having always embellished the roll of water. But I need to purge this poison out of me as soon as possible. I drink copious amounts of the Chinese Oolong tea. Justin brought back from Taiwan. They are intoxicating with their healing properties. Water is consumed in large quantities.

Don't you just love the names they assign to pharmaceuticals? This particular drug, Abilify, did not enable my abilities at all, they damn near short circuited them. It left me dull, lifeless, severely fatigued and exhausted all the time. Finally, after months of complaining about this, I researched the medication with the help of my pharmacist and PC. You have to dig deep to understand the doctor's version of adverse or dangerous side effects. But there I was. No appetite. No focus. Impaired cognition. Fatigue. Flat. Dehydrated. Exhaustion. Inertia. In other words, no fun and getting weaker by the day. Decision time: Out with the Abilify. My doctor and I have mutual trust built over a long period of time. I knew I had to step down from this med or else risk a depressive episode, like the time I went cold turkey off of it. Big mistake and I paid for it. That was last summer. Here I am again. Recuperating.

What no one can tell me is how long the detox process will last. It could take weeks or months. This last go around has been confronting, as I see my independence has finally met its limits. It is no longer possible for me to take care of myself as well as I have been doing. This realization, the progressive, possible loss of independence has sent me, my psychologist and doctor into research mode. What type of support services may I be entitled to receive and how do I access them? This is the question of the month. Stay tuned.

As for toxic situations and people, I try my best to avoid them, because they just inflame my anxiety and anger. I find my joy in the simple things and with caring, loving and progressive individuals who really care. In the meantime, I ride the waves of nausea and gingerly go about my business.