"Well", I respond, "It has given me a different perspective on life that I was unprepared for, that's for sure." The ridiculousness of it all, even now, astounds me.
If there is ever a topic that gets everyone's goat, especially the "Boomers", it's Social Security. Everyone has an opinion. I'm aware that those doing the angriest and disgusted routine, which is just about everyone, haven't a clue about the lifeline that Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and Medicare are to me and millions of others. Without them, I wouldn't be here today.
I've heard all the arguments and belief systems of working people. "I'd pump gas for work"or drive a bus or a truck. The words sting but roll-off me. I've been pressed up against the pride of a handful, whom I informally counseled, when they discovered, much to their shame and dismay, that they could no longer support themselves as they were confronted with the crippling effects of mental illness. Caution, I advise, there is a long process ahead. It takes perseverance and patience.
Anyone who thinks it is easy to apply, to receive, and to survive on SSDI and Medicare, should be forced to live for 3 months under these circumstances. The strongest would become lame. I suspect that they know it because they protest the loudest. They also do not know their history.
Unlike the Chinese, we Americans have a short-sighted view of time. Memories of previous generations are wiped from our minds, our collective consciousness, but are encoded in our genes. Most American History classes barely made it to the 20th Century when the Boomers were in school. What we learned about Social Security, FDR and the New Dealers, we learned from the media, as well as differences in our regional, social and political persuasions. Everyone sees it in their paychecks. It is a sizable deduction. Many live in fear or anger that the system will be bankrupt when it's their time to "collect". Kill-off or re-haul the sacred cow is a popular political theme.
My own application for SSDI began with a waterfall of tears. This admission, that I was unable to work in a meaningful way, nearly crushed me. At first, my application was denied. This is common. In my case, at 40, I did not have an historic medical file nor did I have a spouse or partner supporting me, masking my inability to perform professionally or as a mere worker bee. There was no family trust fund to live off. I was on temporary welfare. More than anything, I longed for some semblance of independence again. There would be no quick fixes but I had paid more than enough quarters to be eligible for a benefit. I was destitute.
So when Gloria came for tea, we had a lot of ground to cover. For months, she has been procrastinating on her application for SSDI caught in the personal intellectual dilemma and debate. The desire to want to work confronted by the inability to sustain employment. May you never feel the remorse of these choices. Every story is different but when it comes to SSDI there are some commonalities that apply.
Relaying my own experience as a single woman is one thing, but relaying the stories of others in marriages might inspire her to take charge. Warning, taking charge is exhausting and taxing with a progressive mental illness. And if one is "high functioning", or can keep up public appearances, then the burden is even greater. Learn and educate yourself as much as you can absorb.
Bobby's case has commonalities. He almost had reached the threshold of early retirement (age 62) before falling short by a couple of years due to crippling depression. His body and psyche broke down. It helps to have other physical complications. His was diabetes. He had exorbitant medical expenses with medical insurance coverage due to terminate. It's very expensive to have a mental illness or any other chronic disease without medical insurance. It's impossible in many circumstances without aid from state government or a medical facility. He wound up in a no-tax state. He had a spouse that was unemployable. It's damn hard at 60 to find work or sustainable self-employment to support a household. As a couple they owned property. He was an extremely hard worker whose identity, like us all, is tied up with what we do. Who are we if we are not working?
Bobby's first application was denied so he shouldered on for another year getting weaker and weaker. There is something about needing help that us stubborn or independent types hate to request. It's the threat of the duo impending financial and medical disasters that motivates us. To be rejected, often is part of the process.
To make a long story short, Bobby reapplied for SSDI upon his doctor's advise. He applied for free care at a local hospital who was obliged to accept him. He waited. No need to appeal the SSA decision, his disability had substantial documentation and he was awarded a benefit that he was entitled to receive. Yes, it was much less than an early retirement benefit, but it brought in just enough to cover the basic bills. There would be no more movies, dinners out, travel or concerts. Their life savings was depleted. They lost their home. The cost to his marriage was an even higher price to pay. Bobby died on Christmas day this year from complication of depression and diabetes. He did not reach the age of 64. I suspect he died of a broken heart.
Cyndi, my dear departed friend, was motivated to apply for SSDI because she wanted to feel like she was financially contributing to her marriage. At least to have a little more pocket money of her own for gifts to her large extended family. Or at least, this was how she explained it to me. Her marriage was personally and financially secure. She was exuberant when her application was quickly processed. She admitted to having a psychiatric file an inch or more in thickness. The SSDI benefit gave her dignity, but could not prevent her from dying of complications brought on by bipolar depression. But for a short time, she had a bit of money of her own to spend.
So to Gloria and anyone else on the verge of the precipise, I advise to apply for SSDI. The clock starts ticking when you make a personal appearance. You'll find the employees of SSA to be consumer oriented and efficient. Bring a book or a magazine if you have not scheduled an appointment. SSA is always busy, but helpful. You'll be given a load of paperwork to complete. Just do it. Everything must be done in a timely manner. You'll need letters and medical files to be submitted by your doctors. The administration of this process is up to you though there are human service agencies and legal aid to advise and help you now. The task is daunting and overwhelming. It is not an easy process and the system expects quitters not to appeal. You really need to get going now before disaster arrives like a tsunami.
You'll be amazed to see your entire work history on a computer screen that will immediately calculate your benefit. What ever the number, it is much better than zero income, homelessness or defaulting on a mortgage or the complete deterioration of a marriage. Zero divided by 2 is zero. Divorce under these circumstances is futile even if the sacred bond that binds two souls together holds or is decimated by a set of circumstances.
My consistent advice is to apply in person at your local Social Security office. Do the substanial paperwork involved. Read the information materials provided by the SSA on SSDI. Make this your top priority and getting medical attention. If your medical condition is fragile, then it is more, not less advisable, to apply. Get help or clarification as needed. Put your ego aside. You are deserving. You've paid more than your fair share of dues. You've gone the distance and with the grace of the divine, will eventually receive what you've earned to date. Be yourself but be honest. Answer their questions, this is not an intellectual-philosophical debate. Don't be afraid to cry but hold yourself together in order to listen. This is the US, not Canada, or Europe or your home country. Citizens of these countries get better government support.
The purpose of SSDI is to be a life-line for the disable. Psychiatrict disabilities are invisible. The burden of proof is in the application and the medical documentation. Given any complicated hsitory and recent ailments, ther is no reason to believe that your application will be rejected. This is where your hope lies. You'll have income to support yourself in a smaller household. It will give you dignity and when you reach the age of early retirement your benefit will increase. In a year, you'll be eligible for Medicare or the new, little understood, US health care program. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain. Just do it, then wait. And continue asking questions and becoming an informed citizen-consumer. Praying helps and having others pray for you, too.
As for me, my monthly SSDI benefit has seen a cost of living increase of $200 spread over a 15 year period of time while the economy rose to unprecedented heights and then crashed becoming tragically dysfunctional. With housing assistance, I live in a luxury setting. Finally, after many years of attempted wage work that rarely exceeded three months, I have found happiness and passion teaching English to motivated adult immigrants. Their lives and quests inspire me. I've held this small, part-time employment for over a year now. That alone is an accomplishment. I am respected, liked and counted as an asset by my colleagues, students and administrators. It has empowered me with a renewed sense of accomplishment. I love my job even if it does take me into the ghetto. The extra money means the bills get paid without anxiety. It has expanded my social life and I took my first vacation in 20 years. I have a loving family and a family of friends who remind me in small and great ways that life can be good.
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