The Talk

My grandmother use to say "There is nothing in the world that a cup of tea can't solve." This was as much her philosophy as a dialog approach to problem solving. A steaming teapot is to me a meaningful reminder to listen, to see through the human dilemma with kindness, compassion, generosity and wisdom. I received a special ceramic teapot from my eldest nephew that he made himself when he was a young boy. It is among the most treasured gifts I've ever received. It was a soft pink, single serving teapot adorn with the child-like printing "TEA WITH DEE". For me, it was a functional and symbolic connection of our love. Having tea is a ritual passed from one generation to another. I introduced my nieces and nephews to tea when they were very young. I served it to them Irish-style with milk and sugar. I can even recall adding sippy-cup tops after cooling the hot water down. Eventually they've each grown into adult-sized mugs. There are critics who may say tea is unhealthy for young children and not an acceptable beverage. Their parents, however, had no reason to object at the time. Sharing a cup of tea makes for an interesting conversation between equals. I've never talked down to children feeling they understood more than adults ever give them credit for. I was never disappointed about the quality of our conversations. My job was to listen, letting them take the lead, ask questions or just be. Innocence was their hallmark. They had not learned to be guarded in their thoughts and opinions yet. I carefully packed that teapot for transport to Sarasota wrapping it round and round with bubble wrap. When I moved, it arrived safely to my destination. However, when I safely returned to Massachusetts, I opened the UPS box and the teapot was broken beyond repair. I was devastated by its loss for it was a special reminder of the precious joy of giving and receiving the perfect gift. Some gifts are fragile. These young children are now young adults either in college or rounding the corner of that destination. Any desire on my part for conversation with them exceeds their ability to create time for one of their greatest admirers. This is exactly the way it should be. They are after all busy young adults capable of making their own decisions and choosing how to spend their time. When my siblings and I became the legal age to drink and vote, at the age of 18, it coincided with our attendance to college. Our grandmother sat us down with a cup of tea and had "the talk" with us. No this wasn't the sex talk. It was the talk about the demon alcohol. She was very forthright telling me (and the others) that "no good ever comes from alcohol". Alcoholism ran in our blood and it was a disease that destroyed individuals and families. She worried about us. She had every reason to be concerned. So this blog is "my talk" to a new generation. Yes, alcoholism can be in the genes. This is a fact that cannot be ignored. However, I've learned that drinking or drugging is really a symptom. It's a behavior closely related and often times indicative of Depression and Mental Illness. Everyone knows about self-medicating but so few educated people understand anything about mental illness. Some forms, like bipolar depression, run in families. So I know. I observe. I wait. There is a 100% chance one or more of my beloved ones will develop this horrifying condition. Someone may already know they are different or have hints that their inner world and outer world are at odds with each other. Someone may already be suffering in silence having learned to smile through the pain or distress. Someone may be identified as moody or temperamental. Someone lives in fear of discovery of their secret. Someone is spooked by sudden threats of suicide. Someone is developing courage that will sustain them for a lifetime. I believe my purpose is to educate by sharing my stories and knowledge. It's my belief that early intervention and treatment may prevent someone from becoming permanently disabled because they were allowed to suffer for years (decades) with the unimaginable pain of depression, of Bipolar Disorder.